I’ve Been a Hypocrite for 12 Years
In my years of working online, I’ve spent so much time encouraging others to take that leap of faith and try their hand at earning money online.
I don’t doubt that I’ve provided valuable resources to readers. I realize I’ve consulted with several helping develop a business plan – would take their list of ideas, trim them to a much smaller, segmented list they could focus on that’s not so overwhelming, and is much more achievable in the short-ish term. We all know making real money online takes several months or even years!
Some of those clients have gone on to achieve the success they hoped for while others realized early on, it just wasn’t for them.
The one thing I have noticed with those who have become successful in terms of popularity, credibility and financial positioning have all had one thing in common – they didn’t rely on anyone else for their paycheck.
Early on they might have worked in a few sideline writing gigs or would hold part-time positions to help provide a cushion while developing their own websites, blogs or products. But in each case, they worked those jobs with the main goal of leaving that job when their own business reached a set profit on a consistent basis.
All this time I’ve been a cheerleader, encouraging and supporting the efforts of others while I’ve been a hypocrite myself.
Perhaps it’s the fact that I have OCD or a need to hold someone else responsible for providing my “paycheck” – I honestly have no idea. That’s just how it’s been. How it’s always been. Each time I would secure a “job” I fell into the same old patterns. I get up, do my “job” for someone else – then spend the remainder of the day working on my own websites and products. Fear would step in, convincing me that my own efforts aren’t generating enough income – that my products aren’t good enough to market and that working for someone else is a must.
Isn’t that silly?
I know it is! But that has been my reality for 12 very long years.
Someone else has somehow been responsible for a “paycheck” I would receive. Then as the cycle continues, as times change and the waves of the internet change, I repeatedly find myself back in the same position, over and over. In the position of having my paycheck taken away due to layoffs, downsizing or project completion.
Every time, just like clockwork – I hit the job ads looking for the next big gig that’s going to provide my paycheck so I can focus on my own work that never is good enough.
Each day I grab my coffee and begin going through my emails. I have subscribed to several job newsletters and find myself being seduced back into that same routine. I get angry at myself for even thinking about repeating the same pattern. Today I deleted those newsletters and close my email to avoid further seduction.
AHH, Vicious cycle!
Note to Self: Albert Einstein said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I don’t want to be a part of that type of insanity!
So here’s where I am – This is me, asking you – my readers, my friends to get behind me and don’t let me back down. Over the last year or so, I have ‘barely’ maintained my own blogs because I began working for someone else. The hours for that job have been slashed to an extreme fraction of what they were and that’s NOT enough to cover my personal responsibilities.
I’m in that “sink or swim” position again – like many times before.
Would you believe I actually DO have a few products/reports I have created that I never followed through with. I have a few reports I created with the intention of giving away in a drive to build my email subscribers list. After I created those products, I allowed fear to step in and convince me that my products weren’t good enough to GIVE away!
I swear, if I were reading this on someone else’s blogs, I would give them a comment tongue lashing like no other! Because I know YOU ARE good enough – everyone IS good enough!
What I really want to do is continue my own advocacy efforts. To help others establish their online existence and to grow my consulting business.
I want to work on perfecting my own products to the point I can offer them and know I’m giving solid value and earning a little something from it. Just like I always tell my friends and clients to do because they do have valuable information that people will buy. People love to buy knowledge and products to help enhance their lives in some way.
There are times I will visit my LinkedIn account to read the recommendations others have shared for me trying to talk myself out of the mind clutter I have going on. It’s almost as if I’m reading about someone else, because they can’t possibly be talking about ME!
My email today delivered those same job newsletters, but smack in the middle was a daily devotion that read something like this:
Let God help you when you feel weak. Let him empower you with truth that will set you free. Stay in faith and don’t get negative toward yourself or your future. Let God take what you think is a liability and turn it into an asset! Let Him take what you think is a disadvantage and turn it around to be an advantage! Remember, you are more than a conqueror today and every day because He is strong in you!
I know, perfect timing right?
So there you have it – That’s where I am and what I’m asking for. Simply be there to hold me accountable for following through and not letting fear detour me from reaching that goal again.
Do you have a similar pattern you fall into that prevents you from achieving your personal goals?
I’d love to hear – you know what they say, misery does love company. Maybe together we can push those negative aside and allow success and accomplishment to flourish.
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